I'm trying to analyze my desires. To "find myself," too pick out what's me and what's not.
Do I want to go into the city because the twenty Instagram stories I watched tell me that's what I should be doing, or am I actually in need of a night out?
Do I consider having kids because of FOMO or because I want to pour everything I can into another life?
Do I like certain books/music/shows because they speak to me on a personal level, or because it's what everyone else is consuming? And is that a bad thing, to want to be part of something bigger?
Is there anything that's just me, or am I a conglomeration of influences and directions and pressures and desires?
And out of both: what's good and what's bad? How much is supposed to be individual?
Have I ever written or posted or thought anything original? Is it selfish that I want the answer to be yes?
Every time I write something, or even do something, I realize I've seen it before. It's tainted. The creativity of others sparks a desire to create something myself, until I realise that I'm just recycling what I've seen before. Where's the line between inspiration and regurgitation?
Recreation or creation.
Is this even a problem?